Your Birth, Your Way
How to Advocate For Your Birth Preferences
As a birth doula and a mom, I’ve seen firsthand how powerful it is for birthing people to advocate for their own birth preferences. Whether it’s in the quiet of a home birth or the hustle and bustle of a hospital, one thing remains the same: you deserve a birth that reflects your desires and values.
For many, the thought of advocating for themselves during labor can feel daunting. After all, you’re stepping into an unfamiliar experience, often surrounded by a medical team with their own recommendations. But trust me, your voice matters—and it’s the key to creating a birth experience that feels empowering, no matter where or how you birth.
So, how do you make sure your preferences are honored? Let’s dive into what you can do to feel prepared, supported, and confident in advocating for your birth, your way.
1. Start with Clarity: Know What You Want
The first step in advocating for your birth is getting clear on what you want. What kind of birth experience are you envisioning? Do you prefer a natural, unmedicated birth? Are you open to certain interventions but want to avoid others?
Take time to think about what’s important to you. Some parents want a hands-on approach with comfort measures like massage and movement, while others want a quieter, more meditative space. Some are focused on specific birthing positions or want to delay interventions, while others prioritize immediate skin-to-skin contact after birth.
Tip: Write down your top three priorities for your birth and share them with your partner, doula, or support person. This gives everyone a clear understanding of what matters most to you when the time comes.
2. Build a Birth Plan That’s True to You
Your birth plan is one of the most effective tools for advocating your preferences. While it doesn’t guarantee that everything will go exactly as planned (birth is unpredictable, after all!), it does give you a clear framework to communicate your wishes to your healthcare providers.
When crafting your birth plan, focus on the things that truly matter to you. Here’s a helpful structure:
Labor preferences: What pain relief options are you open to? How do you envision laboring (e.g., moving freely, laboring in water)?
Intervention preferences: How do you feel about interventions like induction, epidurals, or C-sections? Are there any you'd like to avoid unless absolutely necessary?
Post-birth preferences: Who cuts the cord? Do you want immediate skin-to-skin or delayed cord clamping?
Tip: Keep your birth plan flexible. Birth can take unexpected turns, and being open to adjustments while keeping your core preferences in mind will help you feel more empowered, not disappointed.
3. Communicate Early and Often with Your Birth Team
Once you’ve outlined your birth preferences, make sure to discuss them with your birth team well in advance. This could include your OB-GYN, midwife, doula, and any other support people.
Having these conversations before you go into labor ensures that everyone is on the same page and can work together to create the experience you’re hoping for. It also opens up a dialogue for questions or concerns. For example, if your provider has specific policies around delayed cord clamping or intermittent fetal monitoring, now is the time to ask so you’re not caught off guard later.
Tip: Bring a copy of your birth plan to every appointment during the third trimester, and ask your healthcare provider to review it with you. This way, you can address any concerns or clarifications well before labor begins.
4. Trust Your Body—and Speak Up
One of the most powerful things you can do during labor is to trust your body. It’s doing exactly what it was designed to do, and you are more than capable of handling the journey ahead.
That said, there may be moments where you’ll need to advocate for your preferences. Don’t be afraid to speak up or ask questions. If an intervention is being suggested, ask about the risks and benefits. What happens if you wait a little longer? Do you have other options?
Remember, your birth team is there to support you, not make decisions for you. Even in the heat of labor, your voice matters.
Tip: Practice asking for what you need with your partner or support person ahead of time. This will make it easier to communicate confidently during labor, even when you’re deep in the process.
5. Stay Open and Flexible
As much as we try to plan for birth, it’s important to remember that birth is unpredictable. Things might not go exactly how you envisioned, and that’s okay. Being flexible while holding onto your core values is the sweet spot. If things take a turn, trust that you still have the power to make choices that align with your birth preferences.
For example, if you were hoping for a natural birth but need to shift to a C-section, think about what aspects of your plan can still be honored—like playing calming music, dimming the lights, or having immediate skin-to-skin contact with your baby.
Pro-tip: Create a “Plan B” birth plan that focuses on how to adjust your preferences if things shift. This way, you’re not caught off guard and can still feel in control.
6. Lean on Your Doula
As your doula, I’m here to make sure your preferences are respected and to remind you of your options along the way. Whether it’s advocating for delayed cord clamping or helping you switch labor positions to find comfort, I’ve got your back. My role is to hold space for you, encourage you, and help you navigate each decision with confidence.
Doulas have a unique way of seeing the big picture while also focusing on the little details that matter most to you. We’re there to create calm, to guide you when needed, and to remind you that this is your birth story—one you’re writing with each breath and decision.
At the end of the day, birth is yours to navigate in a way that feels aligned with your values and desires. Whether you’re planning for an unmedicated home birth or a hospital birth with an epidural, it’s all about what makes you feel safe, informed, and supported. Your voice matters, and your birth can reflect that.
I’m here to support you, every step of the way. Let’s create a birth plan that’s true to you, set up the support you need, and walk into your birth day feeling confident and empowered.
